I am always feeling sleepy lately…
From a tiny stranger growing inside my uterus, he is now 13 months old, healthy, and got COVID-19 once, recovering from it in just 4 days (while my husband and I took 2 full weeks to recover).
In contrast, after constant lack of sleep, I am fighting to stay awake every night. If you are struggling with how to deal with sleep deprivation as a parent, know that you are not alone. The standard advice to ‘just rest when the baby rests’ is far from reality.
Quick takeaway: Shift-sleeping over fragmented sleeping! 4 continuous hours of sleep in a separate room will restore you far more than 6 hours of constantly waking up.
Why Are New Moms Always Tired?
The sleep deprivation symptoms of a new mom are crystal clear to me: shallow sleep, burning eyes, moaning all the time, and easily losing my track of thought. Science and the people around me keep saying that new parents need to prioritize sleep and rest.
But if we do that, who will take care of our 13-month-old who keeps crawling around? Babies have unique schedules and needs; they also need people to play with them, not just feed them.
Not to mention that new parents need to keep their jobs, especially the mom.
Work After Maternity Leave
The reality behind maternity leave benefits is real: we get paid to give birth and take care of the child for the first 4 to 6 months.
Then what? The job market is tough, if a mom leaves her job for 6 months, she can be replaced easily. If her company is nice, she will be asked to work harder to catch up on skills, knowledge, and workload after 6 months (which is a terrible idea for someone who has brain fog and cannot think straight). If the company is cruel, she will be asked to leave…
The truth is: there is no rest time for moms. The only way to survive is to deal with it on her own and optimize her time to get back on her feet ASAP…
Read more: Work after maternity leave | Survival guide against the market’s battle
Women’s Health Drops in a Straight Line After Pregnancy
I was invincible before marriage.
I had a very specific routine: go to bed at 10, wake up at 5. I could work multiple jobs during the day and still spend time with friends and family. Two things helped me do that:
- Routine
- Concentration
Sleep is the time for your body to heal. You don’t need to sleep a lot, just enough deep sleep. Deep sleep means resting in a quiet, un-alarmed environment. Getting 6 hours of deep sleep every day is enough. Deep sleep is priceless, but it is also nearly impossible for new parents.
Concentration comes from getting enough sleep. Concentration is the catalyst for so many things: working productively for long hours, understanding hard facts within minutes… overall, getting things DONE.
Since new moms don’t get enough sleep, they cannot access “concentration mode”… which means nothing gets done properly, and they have to spend twice as much time trying to understand basic things.
With a lack of sleep alongside aging, health issues arrive quickly: back pain, enlarged thyroid gland or uncontrolled weight… you name it.
Reference: Maternal Stress, Sleep, and Parenting
How to Deal with Sleep Deprivation as a Parent
Yes, lack of sleep is the root of every problem. So how do we deal with it?
Prioritize Safety First
When you are severely sleep-deprived, your reaction time slows down and your cognitive abilities drop significantly if an emergency happens.
Never hold your child and sleep on a chair. Falling asleep on soft furniture with an infant poses a severe suffocation risk. If you feel like you might fall asleep, feed him on a firm bed with no heavy blankets that could accidentally cover his face.
Take Turns Looking After Your Baby
Ask your husband or close relatives to take turns watching the baby so you don’t both burn out at the same time.
Uninterrupted sleep is essential. The person who is “off duty” should ideally sleep in a separate room. Getting 4 continuous hours of deep sleep is drastically more restorative than 6 hours of fragmented sleep.
Optimize Your Day
When you can’t get enough sleep, you need to maximize your physical energy.
| Strategy | How? | Why? |
| Tactical Caffeine | Front-load caffeine in the morning. Stop all intake by 12 PM or 1 PM. | Prevents caffeine from interfering with whatever precious sleep you can get at night. |
| Take Naps | Keep daytime naps to 20 minutes or aim for 90 minutes (a full sleep cycle). | A 20-minute nap avoids sleep inertia (grogginess); a 90-minute nap gives you a full restorative cycle. |
| Stay Hydrated & Eat Protein | Drink water continuously; choose high-protein, low-sugar snacks (nuts, eggs, yogurt). | Sleep deprivation triggers cravings for simple carbs and sugar, which cause blood sugar spikes and hard crashes. |
| Drop Non-Essentials | Say no to social obligations and drop non-essential chores (e.g., let dry laundry sit in the basket for 2–3 days). | You need to survive first before socializing. True friends will understand if you decline events, visits, or hosting. |
Manage Emotional Load
Sleep deprivation heavily impacts the amygdala, making you far more prone to irritability, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm.
Cool down and stay out of discussions about relationship issues, parenting debates, or heavy topics during this period.
Look out for signs of postpartum depression or anxiety. If you feel constantly scared, extremely angry, unable to sleep when the baby sleeps, or disconnected from your baby, don’t ignore it. Talk to your husband or reach out to a healthcare professional about it.
